All I'm Living For
by dvmcas1
Summary: Naomily fic, takes place after Effy's episode and sort of what I'd like to see happen in the twin's episode. Rated T for some cussing and some suggestive situations
1. Chapter 1

*A/N: So this is what I'm doing instead of sleeping haha. I'm super excited for tomorrow nights episode so I wanted to write this which is sort of what I think should happen but since I'm not going to be done with it tonight I'll probably continue it with my version of what _did_ happen since I'll have seen the episode. Anyways, reviews are greatly appreciated!*

All That I'm Living For

Chapter 1(Naomi)

Castle Under Seige

I walk into class a little late and all eyes turn to me. Too bad there's only one person here I want to see, who I want to see me. My head immediately locks on to her desk but it's empty. My heart sinks and all hopes for a good day are crushed. She's practically the only thing that makes my days brighter.

"Naomi?" I turn and look at the teacher. It's still kind of awkward. I mean first of all the bloke tried to kiss me and then he shagged my mom…several times, kind of a weird situation. He's alright though, nice enough chap.

He gestures into the classroom with one hand, "Would you like to join us then? Or just stand in the doorway?"

I feel a slight blush come to my cheeks but I force it away. That's not me, I'm kind of like Effy I suppose…unflappable, or at least I try to be but it's not been working out for me lately. I make my way over to an empty desk next to the window. It's next to her empty desk and I feel another pang in my stomach as the teacher resumes his lesson. Where is she? Is she ok? Is she sick? I give a quiet sigh and lean my head onto my hands. This is going to be a long day. I haven't even been here for five minutes and already I'm totally zoned out like a love sick puppy.

This past weekend was amazing, even though towards the end everything turned into rubbish…still, I'd gotten to stay with her in the tent. It had been a bit awkward between us since _the lake_ but I'd tried to sort it out as best I could. Who the hell knew what I wanted anymore? Well, turns out she did.

_I know you, Naomi. I think you want someone to want you….well I do. So be brave and want me back._

Walking over to her house with my heart pouring from my eyes had been the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. _Be brave_, she'd told me. I'd always thought of my self as bloody Captain Courageous. Tough, smart, cool, collected Naomi. Right? Wrong. I wasn't the one being brave anymore. She was being brave. She kept pushing at my walls and every time I cut her down, she'd just start climbing back up them. Had to admire that kind of persistence. Each time I think my walls started getting a little bit shorter though. Seems like she'd gotten in and now I couldn't get her out of my head, or my heart.

_Can't we just sit like this….for a bit?_

_Yeah, we can. For a bit._

There it was the uneasy standstill. She held my hand and let me cry on her doorstep. Later she invited me in and I stayed but she never touched me. We chatted, drank a little, but in the end I went to sleep on Katie's bed and Emily went to sleep on her own. Good thing Katie was God knows where or else I might've had to sleep on the sofa and endure Katie's shit in the morning. We woke up in the morning, ate breakfast, went to college, but we didn't say a word about _us_. I had expected her to jump up first thing in the morning and demand to know what the fuck I wanted from this relationship. But she hadn't. She'd smiled at me the way that only she can but she kept her cool distance up at all times.

Since then Emily has hung around me but she wasn't acting the same way as before. She isn't constantly pushing on my walls and I'm beginning to miss it. It's almost like a siege, she's starving me out of my walls, and I'm starving for her. She's set up camp and is waiting me out and I don't like it. She doesn't surprise me with hasty, stolen kisses or gentle touches to my hand. I'd pretended to ignore all those things, they didn't matter. But of course they did. I missed her even though we saw each other nearly every single day.

Well at the campout in the woods I'd come this close to just grabbing her and snogging the hell out of her. She stuck by my side like glue and once I screwed up some courage (all right it was the mushrooms) and took hold of her hand. We danced in our high along to some eerie sparklers that J.J had snuck into his bag. She held onto me then. She pulled me close to her and spun with me into oblivion. When Cook crashed the camp and scared the shit out of all of us, she'd put her arms around me as if to protect me and I'd grasped one of her hands tightly within my own. I was scared that if something happened to us tonight, she'd never know how I really felt about her. Actually, even I wasn't sure how I _really_ felt for her but I was beginning to find out.

I'd laid on her shoulder, curled against her side with her arm wrapped securely around me. I'd breathed in her warmth and gently traced the frames of her face with one finger. I brushed her soft red hair out of her eyes and she looked over at me. She leaned closer and I looked at her lips. But then J.J. came crashing in, talking a mile a minute about how, "Jeez this tent is small. Better slide over you two I need some space too. Bloody cold though, not as cold as last year. Freddie, Cook, and I came here. We had a fun time though, no people with guns. We didn't find any mushrooms that time though. Mum says mushrooms are bad and I'm not to eat them because they could be poisonous and I could get very ill. I don't think these were bad though, I mean Effy brought them, surely she knows what to look for don't you think? Anyways…."

"J.J. You're getting locked on." I interrupted him to say.

He blinked several times, "Right…sorry." After that he rolled over and went to sleep, out like a light.

I blew out a sharp breath in frustration. Why did he have to ruin my alone time with her? She touched my hand, causing me to look up into her eyes again, "Good night, Naomi."

She laid back down and I thought that was my cue to do the same. Even though J.J. was pressed against my side, I still thought it was too cold. It had felt warmer when Emily had been holding me. I was just getting ready to resign myself to a sleepless night filled with the torture of her lying right next to me and me not being able to do a bloody thing about it when she reached over and tugged me back to her.

"It is fucking freezing," she mumbled into my hair. I wrapped an arm securely around her waist and snuggled in. Even with J.J. crashing the mood, tonight was shaping up to be a bit of alright.

"Naomi? Naomi?"

The professor's voice brought me crashing back to college and away from my night with her in the woods.

I look up to find everyone again staring directly at me. Feigning confidence I don feel I look boldly up into the teacher's eyes. "Yes?"

He smirks back at me because I'm pretty sure he knows my game, "Well…out with it girl, do you know the answer?"

"Forty-five?" I hazard.

He sighs, "Naomi, this is history."

"Alright then, 1945?"

"Well since Ms. Campbell obviously has better things to think about lets just ask Katie shall we? Katie, do you know the answer?"

At the mention of Katie's name I try not to gag. She probably won't know the answer anyways.

"Isn't it the Battle of Barnet?"

The teacher sounds shocked, "Well, yes it is. Thank you Katie."

But I couldn't care less about how shocked he was right now. That voice…it wasn't Katie's voice. My head spun around to look at the corner of the room where Katie usually sat. She's looking down at her text book, hair curly, small bandage on her head, low cut top, short skirt…it had to be Katie. But somehow it hadn't sounded like her.

Suddenly her head tilts up and her eyes lock with mine. That's when I knew.

Emily.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2(Emily)

Take My Chances

Naomi's seen me and now she knows. I saw it crash over her face the instant her eyes met mine. I feel a sort of quiet pleased feeling that she's recognized me. She sees more than just the clothes and the hair, she sees me, the real me.

Katie had woken me up this morning with a bit of shouting and a lot of guilt.

"Ems, I can't go to college like this! Bitch smashed my fucking head in with a rock. I got this stupid bandage on and bruises all over. I tried to cover them with make up but it's no use. You have to go sit my Maths exam for me."

I'd protested, "What? Why in the world would I do that? We haven't switched in ages but whenever we do I always get the short end of the stick."

She pouted and sat down on my bed, "Emily when you all were coming out of the woods, why didn't you stay to look for me? If it had been you out there all alone, I wouldn't have left until I'd known you were ok. It hurt my feelings what you did, you owe me."

I'd sighed, rolled out of bed, put on some of her (actually mine originally) clothes, and did my hair up like hers. Now here I was at school. I'd been planning on leaving right after the exam but going to history and seeing Naomi had been too much to resist.

I drop my head down again and break Naomi's eyes away from mine. I try to focus on the words written in my text book but all I can feel were her eyes still upon me and I know my face is seconds away from blushing. Damn it Emily, get a hold of yourself. I was trying to give Naomi her space. I wanted her to make the next move if we were going to go anywhere but she was making it bloody impossible.

"I need to go to the restroom." The sound of Naomi's voice makes me turn my head to look at her. The teacher sighs and gestures with his hand that she could go. Naomi rises gracefully from her desk and crosses the front of the classroom. As she walks, her eyes lock on to mine again and I see her discreetly wave her hand in a "come here" gesture. She opens the door and slides out it, never moving her eyes from mine.

My heart is pounding. Should I go? Was she just going to hurt me again? My hand decides to take the chance before my mind can and it shoots up into the air.

"Yes Katie?"

"I need the loo, too."

"Bloody hell, why doesn't everyone just leave and go to the restroom, then? You may go Ms. Fitch."

I rise from my seat and try not to bust my ass in Katie's heels. I'd wanted to wear my trainers but Katie had said she'd never be caught dead in them. I'd said that she should try them on then.

I creep out into the empty hallway and make my way over towards the bathroom. What can Naomi want to see me for? As I round the corner into the side hallway that held the loo, some snack machines, and a water fountain that's when I see Naomi. She is standing at the end of the hallway near the snack machines. I walk a little closer and then stop. As I am about to make a joke about dressing up like Katie, Naomi starts walking towards me.

My mouth opens to ask, "What are you doing?" but it never makes it out. Naomi pushes me back against the lockers and her mouth is upon mine. Bloody hell this girl could kiss. Her hands push their way into my hair and her body is pressed against mine. The cold metal of the lockers behind me contrast starkly with how warm her body seems to me. It has been too bloody long. I warmed up to the kiss and soon she is getting back as good as she is giving.

Naomi pulls back a bit and gasps, "I can't stand it any longer." Then she attacks my lips with her own again. My hands begin to roam down her back and up under the hem of her T-shirt. I trace the smooth lines of her back with my finger as her tongue traces the edge of my lips and she leans in for more.

Just as I'm thinking that this could quickly turn into sex in the hallway (definitely against the rules) the bell rings and it startles Naomi and I apart. She stares at me, her chest heaving as her breath comes in short, fast pants. I can relate because I'm having the exact same trouble. We continue to stare at each other as the hallway begins to crowd with people. They are all jostling about and shouting to one another but Naomi and I stay in our little bubble.

Some stupid prat bumps Naomi from behind and she stumbles towards me. Of course, I reach out my arms and catch her to keep her from falling. She rests her hands on my arms and stares into my eyes again. Her perfect mouth opens and she says, "Fuck college. Let's go back to mine."

I smile. Most beautiful words I'd ever heard.

We go and round up our bags and exit out a side door while everyone is still in the confusion of class change.

Naomi's house is just a short bike trip away from college and we're there before I know it. All the way I've been thinking. My mind has been racing along with my legs as they are pedaling. I've been telling myself not to expect anything, that she just wants to hang out, that this doesn't necessarily mean anything, she doesn't feel the same way, don't get your hopes up. When we pull up into Naomi's driveway, I think I've just about got myself convinced but then Naomi hops off her bike and smiles at me and my heart is overpowering my head once again.

I follow her up the front walk and into her house. It smells kind of like Naomi…different but I can still tell she comes from here. I breathe it and kind of hope it sinks into my skin somehow so I'll always have it with me. We slowly walk up the stairs to her room and she still hasn't spoken a word. I'm not really sure if this is a good thing or not. On one hand she's not telling me to piss off but on the other she's not declaring undying love for me.

I walk into her room ahead of her and I look at her bed, remembering the last time I was here and she left me. I swallow back a lump of sadness that forms in my throat and since I'm trying to keep it light I ask, "So what do you want to do? Get pissed and watch cartoons?"

I hear a rustle of clothing from behind me and I turn around to find Naomi standing there staring at me. She's there but her clothes are on the floor. My mouth forms a perfect O shape that slips out of my lips, "Oh" I say stupidly.

Naomi steps out of her skirt and towards me. My God she is so beautiful and I don't even think she knows it. She grips the bottom of my shirt and gently tugs it up over my head.

Her hands then go to the top of my skirt and she slowly unzips it. She doesn't push it away though; instead she looks at me with a question written in her eyes. Continue?

I could say no. I could leave her standing alone like she's left me so many times. Maybe in another life I could do all those things but I can't. I can't because I'm Emily and she's Naomi and because I love her. I can't because right now she seems like she might break if I say no. I can't because right now I can't imagine myself moving from this spot, her room, her eyes, her hands upon my skin. I can't ever leave this place.

I rest my hands on top of hers and we push my skirt down together. Then with my hands still in hers I slowly lead her over to the bed.

The springs of the bed gently creak as she moves above me and kisses down the side of my neck. Sure, I could've left and saved myself the inevitable heartache.

But I think I'll take my chances.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3(Naomi)

Big Girl's Don't Cry

I could be here forever and that's a scary thought. I'm lying on my back with Emily curled up next to me sleeping, her arm wrapped around my stomach and her head lying on my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head and feel an intense rush of emotions flow over me. I like her a lot more than I should and if I'm being honest with myself I more than like her…I love her. The way she smiles at me, the way she can make me laugh, how strong she is, how caring, her kisses, the list goes on and on.

I slowly run my fingers through Emily's hair and wonder what in the world I'm going to do with myself. Emily being a girl does have something to do with it, am I really a lezzer like Katie says? But the majority of the fear in the pit of my stomach has nothing to do with Emily being a girl. Most of it is letting myself be open to someone. I've spent so long being closed off and protected that loving Emily and being vulnerable is extremely scary. What if I do open myself up to her? Wouldn't she ultimately break my heart and leave? Mum once told me right after Dad left that you couldn't rely on anyone but yourself. So I haven't. I've kept myself alone and free from hurt, until now. I don't even know what came over me today. It was like I saw Emily and I just had to hold her, kiss her, and be with her. There was no other option. I know she is probably confused as hell. But so am I. I can't let her in. I can't be vulnerable. But on the other hand I can't keep her out and I can't help but wanting her, needing her, loving her.

I hear Mum making dinner downstairs, she hasn't come up to bother me yet but she probably will eventually. Seeing me here with a naked Emily wrapped around me might be sort of hard to explain. I'm debating on how to wake Emily up so we can put some clothes on but she beats me to it. She stretches, her body rubbing against mine and gives a soft sigh.

She opens her beautiful brown eyes and looks up at me, "Hey you."

I smile back at her. Her hair is a mess, her lipstick is smudged (even though that was my fault), and her fake bandage has fallen completely off. She looks great. "Hey yourself," I murmured.

She stares up at me with such love and trust in her eyes that it becomes too much. I break our stare by rolling away and lying on my side, my back to her. Emily is not put out by it though because she places her lips to my shoulder and leaves a line of kisses down my arm.

"Sorry I drifted off but you wore me out with that little work out." I hear the smile in her voice and it makes me blush a little. We certainly did have a workout. The only reason I didn't go to sleep as well is because I wanted to treasure just simply being with Emily without confusion and without my fears.

She rubs my shoulder and leans over me a bit more, "Hey. Naomi? Are you alright?"

I try to sound neutral but it comes out cold, "Yeah. Fine."

I hear the doubt in Emily's voice but she murmurs, "Alright," and lies back down. Then just as suddenly she's back up, "No, it's not alright. If something's bothering you, you need to tell me about it."

I feel tears come to my eyes because my heart is breaking at what I'm about to do, "Everything is ok, Ems. I think maybe you should go though. My mom is home. Maybe I'll call you later, yeah?"

Frustration and hurt mingles in Emily's voice, "Naomi…this isn't…I'm not just a…I want us to…Shit. Look, I want to tell people about us. Come to the college ball with me. Like…we're together."

The Love Ball. That's just great. I close my eyes and force the pain from my voice, "I don't want to do that."

I see it, see myself hurting her but I can't stop it. I have to push her away. In truth, I want nothing more than to go to that ball and dance with her and have a proper date.

Emily pulls away from me, almost clear to the other side of the bed, "Naomi, I want more…I want _us_."

I can't turn to look at her because then she'll know how much this is killing me. She'll know that I am weak. "Emily, this isn't going to be that. It never can be. We have a good time just fooling around, yeah? Well, just leave it at that. I can't be the person you need me to be."

I hear a rustle of clothing and now I finally turn around. Emily is pulling on her clothes and I see tears pouring down her face. Her movements are stiff and jerky with anger and I want nothing more than to make it better.

I sit up and pull the covers up to my shoulders, "Ems? Emily?"

She's turns to me and the hurt in her eyes almost takes my breath away. "No! This…whatever this is, isn't enough for me. I don't want just sex. I want you! Can't you understand that? I'm so tired of hanging on to you, praying that one day you'll open your fucking eyes and see that we're great together. Every time Naomi! Every fucking time I put myself out there you let me down and it bloody hurts. Well not this time. I'm done waiting for you. How can you touch me, kiss me, and hold me like you do and not love me? I'm done being hurt by you. You are the person I need but you don't need me back. You walk out all the time and leave me in your bed well now I'm taking a page from your book and getting the hell out of here!"

She bolts through my door, slamming it behind her. The bang as it shuts sounds final, like she's leaving me behind for good. I sit there in my bed, shocked. What have I done? I want to run after her. I want to pull her back to me and tell her I love her. But if I did run after her, what would I do if she didn't take me back. Emily is very forgiving but I would've given up several times before after the shit I've put her through. Emily's gone. She's given up. I've wrecked it.

I lie back down on my bed and feel the hot tears slide down my cheeks. I turn my head and bury it in the pillow she was using. Her smell wraps around me and the pillow covers the sounds of my sobs as I slowly break into oblivion.

What the fuck have I done?


	4. Chapter 4

*A/N: Sorry this one is soooo long but I tried to cover a lot of stuff in the episode and add a little in for myself. Hope you all like it.*

Chapter 4(Emily)

Hearts That Break

I run as fast as I can towards the bus stop. My bare feet slapping on the cold pavement match the sharp painful beats of my heart. How can something so broken continue beating?

_I can't be the person you need me to be._

Naomi's words chase after me, pulling me down. All my fears and heartache refuse to be left behind. They cling to my heels even though I try to leave them behind me in the dark. When I finally get near to the bus stop I slow down with a horrible ache building in my ribs. I lean down, putting my hands on my knees and forcing my breath to calm. I notice some people sitting on the benches looking at me but right now I could care less what other people think. I just left the one person I actually cared about behind me.

How could she have said those things to me? How could she have pretended like I don't matter? Hot tears pour down my face, making my mascara run but how could I care about what I look like on the outside when I'm so torn up on the inside?

"Emily?"

I turn at the sound of my name to find Thomas standing right behind me. His dark brown eyes are filled with compassion as he takes in my sorry state.

"Emily, where are your shoes?" His voice is soft; like he's scared I might break any second.

I shake my head, almost unable to think about the scene back at Naomi's house that had led to me running out of her house without my shoes. "I couldn't…I couldn't find them…" I mutter, knowing it probably didn't make any sense.

Thomas kneels down and takes off his trainers, "Here take mine."

I shake my head, almost unable to take someone being so nice to me as I'm falling apart, "No…Thomas, I can't do that."

"No, its ok. I like bare feet, it's easier to run."

I slip my feet into them and they cushion my sore feet. I look up at them and he must have seen how cold I am, inside and out.

He slips off a jacket and puts it around my shoulders. Thomas seems so compassionate and loving right now that I can't help but to ask him a question that is bugging me.

"Thomas, what should you do when someone you love lets you down? Like, really fucks you over?"

He shrugs but some pain crosses over his face and that's when I remembered the whole situation with Panda and I feel like slapping myself. Great job, Emily, bring up the one thing that's painful to him right now, especially when he's been so nice to you.

Thomas seems to ponder my question and he says, "You must try to stop loving them."

I didn't expect that answer. My heart crashes. Stop loving Naomi? That thought has never even entered my mind. She is a part of me now and to not think of her everyday, see her everyday, to stop loving her would be impossible.

My lips start to quiver as I ask, "Is that even possible?"

Thomas smiles a smile that shows me he knows all too well what I'm going through. "No, I think not."

I tilt my head back and suck in some of the cool night air. If I can't tell Thomas who's obviously a great guy, who can I tell then?

"Thomas…I'm gay."

I look down, holding my breath for the disgust in his eyes. Instead Thomas smiles gently back at me.

"That's fine. Can we call a taxi? I don't think this bus is going to come and my feet are extremely cold."

Suddenly the waves of pain crash over me and push me over the edge. Confessing something that serious and having it received so lovingly contrasts so starkly with all the pain I've experienced. My face scrunches up as tears start spilling anew from my eyes and Thomas steps forward to wrap me in a warm hug. I lean into his shoulder and try to sob all my sorrow away.

Later as Thomas and I pull up to my house in the taxi I stoop down to pull of his trainers. Thomas places a hand on my shoulder and says, "No, Emily, its fine. Just return them to me next time you see me. I wouldn't want you to be cold."

I wipe my eyes one last time and murmur, "Thanks," to him.

I put my hand on the door of the cab, about to get out but something stops me. I turn back to Thomas and say, "Thomas, I know about what happened with you and Pandora."

There's a flicker of pain in Thomas' eyes and he looks away, "Yes. I've been trying to forget it."

I place my hand on his shoulder and he turns to look at me with tears shining in his eyes. My heart goes out to him and I say, "Thomas, I'm in love with Naomi but she doesn't want me back. She's screwed up so many times but I know if she ever told me that she was sorry, that she loved me, and that she'd try to act better…I'd never look back, I'd just be happy that she wanted me. That's the worst thing, apparently she's not willing to work at it and no matter how much I love her, there's nothing I can do to make her love me back."

Thomas nods his head but I can see he doesn't understand why I'm telling him this so I press on. "Don't you see, Thomas? Pandora looks at you with such love in her eyes. She screwed up."

He shakes his head, "No, she screwed, Cook."

I shakes my head, "Yes, she hurt you. She messed up bad but Thomas, she loves you. She wants to work it out with you. I'm not saying that you should just forget the hurt but just think about the fact that she loves you…that counts for something."

Thomas nods slowly and I can see that on some level my words have sunk in. I turn back to the door and open it to get out but Thomas' voice stops me.

"You say Pandora looks at me with love? Naomi looks at you the same way, Emily."

I turn back towards him, shocked at his words.

He smiles, "She's scared. She's confused. But Emily, she definitely cares about you. Give her time. Give her patience but don't stop loving her. Love may be painful but our love is all that we can live for."

I smile back at him and climb out of the taxi. Thomas thinks Naomi loves me? A sliver of hope enters my heart and I kindle the small bit of warmth that it creates in my chest.

I open the door to my house and walk in a daze to the kitchen table where everyone is eating some red soup shit that looks disgusting. I notice Katie's eyes glaring into me but right now I couldn't care less what she thinks about who I love.

My mom questions me on my rough appearance and I tell her to leave me alone but she keeps pushing it and pushing it so I blurt out the truth.

"I wasn't fighting a girl. I was making love to a girl."

Katie is looking at me with hatred but I press on. My words spew from my mouth like vomit and I can't believe I'm saying them.

"Her name is Naomi and she's rather beautiful so I was nailing her." I don't think that "nailing" was the proper word for what Naomi and I do in bed but I threw it out for effect to my parents. I wanted to pound this point into them.

Katie starts telling my parents that I'm joking and my dad starts to laugh. Disgusted I stand up, glaring at Katie and slam my chair against the table. I run upstairs to take a shower.

When I get out Katie is waiting for me on her bed. I sit on mine across from her and shake my head. My voice sounds venomous as I say, "You didn't even back me up down there."

She scoffs, "You should be grateful. I just spent a ton of time convincing Mom that you were joking."

I look at her, disbelieving, "I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. It's all a fucking joke. You just like made up this shit with Naomi because you're jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yes, jealous of me because I'm prettier, I look better in clothes that you do, and I get more boys than you do."

She keeps pushing me and pushing me. First of all, she's telling me I'm making up my relationship with Naomi? What the hell?! My relationship with Naomi was more real than anything she'd ever been and I told her so. Then more of the word vomit came out and I made fun of her for getting hit on the head with a rock. I didn't mean for it to come out but it did. Afterwards, I saw the hurt on Katie's face and knew I'd said the wrong thing.

She rolls over and turns out her light and a few minutes later I hear sobbing coming from her side of the room. I long for the days when I could've gone over and wrap her in my arms without being worried about her biting my head off. Things between us had been so strained in the last few years. I was missing the person my sister used to be. I missed how sweet and kind she was and I missed that we used to share everything. Most of all I missed my sister. However, instead of going over there and comforting her, I roll over and turn off my light. Things right now are crashing down all around me but I close my eyes with the hope that tomorrow will bring a brighter dawn.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5(Naomi)

I Need Your Love

I stand here, really unsure of what to do next. I look up at the window that I know is Emily's room and my heart clenches. I've fucked up and I know it but now I want to make it right. I _need_ to make it right. Last night was possibly the worst night of my life. I cried over Emily instead of sleeping but when I finally drifted off I woke up praying the whole thing had just been a nasty nightmare. I realize that I want her and I need her, I love her. Seeing her walk out last night had been like a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. If I didn't fucking wake up to the reality that I could be happy then I might lose her for good. Ready to take the plunge, I'd walked over to her house but now I stand here stupidly nervous and unsure.

I walk up her sidewalk and to her front door. My finger pauses hesitantly above her doorbell and I screw up my courage to ring it. Just as I'm about to a woman flings open the door. She stops short and is obviously shocked to see me. I jump back from the door so that she doesn't run into me.

She smiles warmly at me, "I'm so sorry, I'm always in such a rush."

I smile back, this is obviously Em's mom, "Oh that's, ok."

She shifts her bag and coffee cup in her hand and looks at me curiously, "I don't think we've been introduced."

"I'm, Naomi, I'm a friend of Emily's."

Immediately the woman's face changes. Her mouth quirks into an imitation smile, "Why don't you come in?"

I pull back a bit from the cold look on her face, "No, really I should go. You're in a rush."

She pulls back into the house and motions for me to come inside, "No, really. They're all still asleep. It's fine."

I walk in feeling extremely confused. Emily's mom tells me to sit down and I take a seat across from her. She looks at me with judging eyes and I feel like I've done something wrong somehow. I open my mouth to ask for Emily but she interrupts me.

"Emily's impressionable. She's Katie's younger twin and she's always in her shadow. That's just how it is. I think that she wants to do something to break free from all of that."

Feeling like an idiot I mumble, "I'm sorry, I don't know what we're talking about."

Emily's mom looks at me harshly, "Yes. You. Do." She says each of the words separately like they're accusations and I look away from her eyes, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. She knows about me and Emily? How could she know that?

Emily's mom continues, "They are the apple of their dad's eye. He loves them…like fierce. Just the way they are. Nice, normal twins. Don't screw her up, Naomi. They're more alike than you think."

I can't help myself from raising an eyebrow at that. Has this woman even met her daughters? Emily and Katie may look alike but they are completely different. Emily is quiet, reserved, smart, kind, strong, sexy, and she doesn't need to make a show of it like Katie does. "Are you sure of that," I ask and I see Emily's mom look a bit shocked that I've actually question her.

"I want you to disappear now, Naomi."

I open my mouth to protest, to tell her that I love her daughter and that there's nothing I would ever do to hurt her if she'd just give me another chance but Emily's mom interrupts me again before I can even get the words out.

"Goodbye, Naomi."

Feeling completely embarrassed and hurt I run out of Emily's house and back into the streets. Once outside I take another look up at Emily's window, halfway hoping I'd see her there. But she's not there and Emily's mom is watching me through the front window. She looks smug and satisfied that she's managed to get me to run away. Anger flares up in me. Naomi Campbell doesn't give up easily bitch. I'll find some way to win Emily back again whether you like it or not.

Later at college I try to call Emily twice before my exam. The first time she doesn't answer so I try again and that time I get a busy signal which means she has her phone and is ignoring my call. Hurt washes through me at that but I force myself to not give up hope. Emily has stayed true several times even though I've pushed her away. It's my turn to hold on for a bit, to wait for her to come around and I aim to do it.

I try to take my exam but the words just wash through my head as I'm reading them. I keep checking my phone to see if Emily has called. The time is halfway up and I've only written one answer down on my paper. I look over across the room and see that Thomas is staring at me with a sympathetic smile on his face. For some reason I get the feeling he knows what's going on with me. I smile back at him but I feel as if my heart is breaking. I look back at my paper but all I can see are Emily's smiles. All I can feel is her touch. All I can hear are her sad words in my ears, _I do want you…so be brave, and want me back_. I do, Emily. I want you more than anything. In a sudden rush I stand up, throwing my bag over my shoulder and walk out of the room.

I hear a teacher calling after me but I ignore him. What can a stupid test matter if I don't have Emily? How can anything matter if I don't have her? Once in the hallway I pull my phone out of my bag and dial her number from memory. Please pick up, Emily I plead silently as I hear it ringing.

"What do you want?"

Her voice sounds harsh but I'm just glad she's picked up the phone at all, "Emily…don't hang up. I need to speak with you. Please, Emily."

I hear her sigh into the phone and I'm scared that she'll hang up, "Fine, you can meet me for coffee at Barney's. I'll be there in ten minutes."

She hangs up right after those words and I feel a rush of happiness through me. Emily is going to actually talk to me. I can tell her how miserable I've been for the past few hours. I can tell her how sorry I am. I can tell her how much she means to me. Maybe, just maybe she'll be the Emily Fitch I need her to be and she'll forgive me.

I walk quickly out of college. Fuck college I'm going to get my girl back. Barney's is only a short walk away but I almost run the whole way. I can't wait to see her again. My heart races as I walk and I can't remember the last time I felt this sure of something, I love her and I'm going to tell her as soon as I see her.

When I arrive at Barney's I immediately hone in on the red head sitting with her back to the front window. I bite my lip at the way my heart lurches as I see her. I take a deep breath and prepare myself to run in there, pour my heart out, apologize profusely, and get Emily back. I push open the door and falter a bit behind her.

"Emily," I say, wanting to see her face and her eyes.

Suddenly she turns around and I know at once that it's not Emily. I scoff, great Katie is all I need right now. She gestures to the chair across from her, "You gonna sit down?"

I shake my head but I sit down anyway. Maybe she's decided to be human for once and she's here to talk to me for Emily. Maybe she'll help me get her back, they are sisters after all, and Katie must want the best for her twin.

I look up at her and ask, "Was that you on the phone then?" It would break my heart if Emily had agreed to meet me but had sent Katie instead to blow me off.

Katie shrugged, "She shouldn't leave it lying around. Leave her alone. She's mine."

I can't believe this girl. She talks about Emily like she's an object, something to be owned. I feel anger surge through me, "She can't help who she is, Katie. Neither can I."

It's the first time I've admitted to anyone that I feel the same way as Emily and I've admitted it to Katie, that's just great.

Katie smirked at me, "She sure could help it when she was _fucking_ J.J."

Disbelief ran through me, followed swiftly by pain. It feels like my heart is going to be torn in two. "You're lying." How could Emily do that to me? I don't believe it. However, along with the evil, jealousy, and anger in Katie's eyes, I also see the truth. She may be a complete bitch but she's not lying this time.

Katie gets up and tells me not to come to the Love Ball but I almost don't hear it. My mind is still swirling around Emily and J.J. The thought of her underneath him, letting him touch her, makes me want to puke and cry at the same time. I put my hand to my face, trying to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I'd finally found someone worth giving my heart to and all she'd done was rip it out of my chest and tear it apart. The hurt radiated from my heart and spread throughout my body. I was unable to stop the tears anymore and I stood up, running out of the coffee shop.


	6. Chapter 6

***A/N: I hope that people are still reading/enjoying this story. I'm eager to get on to future chapters because that's where I'm going to start making stuff up and being creative with the storyline since the show is gone for right now. However, I might just end this one here. What do you guys think?***

Chapter 6(Emily)

I'm Ready

I grab the bottle from Katie and pour some of the strange white liquid down my throat. It burns like fire and settles in my stomach too quick and I almost spit it out. I cough at the harshness and think about Naomi, tears come to my eyes that had nothing to do with the shit I had just drunk. Katie notices the tears and she pulls the bottle from my shaking fingers, "You alright, Ems?"

I nod my head but I felt so far from "alright". Katie knows I was lying, she always knows. She puts a hand on my arm and I look at her. For a brief second in time she looks less like a stranger and more like someone I actually know. The last few hours it had actually felt like we could be sisters again instead of who we had become. She'd tried on dresses with me. She'd laughed with me and helped me fix my hair. This was the Katie I knew and the Katie I loved. She was a person that the whole world didn't get to see very often, only I knew what the real person inside looked like.

Katie lets go of my arm and just like that the mask is back on, "Well, Ems. She's not here and she's not going to be here so you need to get over it and have a good time."

Her words dig deep and she knows it but I say nothing. We were slipping back into our old roles so easily. She was slowly and surely taking charge again and I was sliding behind her, into the background.

We turn to face the boys and I smile at J.J. It is still awkward but I couldn't deny that he'd been a good friend when I'd needed one. He mumbles something about love being all around but all I can see was Katie's face. Intense rage and shock has washed over her eyes and mouth, pulling her lips into an ugly frown. I turn to follow where her eyes are glaring and that's where I saw her.

Naomi is standing at the bottom of the stairs. She is so beautiful and my heart leaps in its chest because…she came. She is wearing a plaid dress that on anyone else would've been ugly but not on Naomi. Her eyes look into mine and just like that my smile fades. She looks hurt, angry, and cold. She slowly walks up the steps towards us and I fight the urge to rush and hug her because obviously something is wrong.

When she stands in front of me she does something unexpected…she laughs and then says, "Well isn't this cute, a foursome. J.J., look at you…very suave. Well it should be fun, Emily's great in the sack, isn't she J.J?"

Just like that all my dreams that she came here for me crashed. Her voice sounds bitter and final. I try to steady my voice as I say, "Naomi, I wanted to tell you."

"Yeah, but you didn't. Did you, hun?" I look down as she walks away but not before I see tears glistening in her eyes. I think my heart tore right then because I realize not only did I mess up but she cared. All her insecurities, fears, and letting me down and now I know…she cared. I walk away from Katie and the boys, not wanting to cry in front of them.

I heard Katie murmur, "Right," and she turns around to walk inside.

I stand just a bit off in the dark, away from the Love Ball. I know what I need to do. I'm going to go back inside and make Naomi listen to me. I'm going to tell her that J.J. meant nothing. I'm going to ask her to forgive me. I'm going to tell her I love her.

I turn and walk into the ball. I look around at the couples dancing, I scan through the crowd but I can't see Naomi. Then I hear a shout from down the hallway. I follow the noise until I find them. My sister has just slapped Naomi in the face. I stand in the doorway, unbelieving. I want to kill Katie. You can't just slap Naomi like that. Naomi shoves Katie back and shouts to her about blabbing the whole thing with J.J. Shock courses through me as I realize that my own sister had told Naomi about that.

"She deserved it!" Katie shouts. My heart clenches. My own sister would do this to me? I was the one who used to braid her hair when we were little. When she would fall off her bike and hurt herself I would put a band aid on the cut. For her birthday every year I made her a coconut cake because that was her favorite.

"What did I deserve, Katie?" My voice is quiet but Katie hears it and she turns to me, horror written on her face. She knows that she's struck deep. I turn and walk away from her. I have to before I do something I might regret later. If Katie knows what is good for her she'll leave me alone. Instead she comes running out, "Emily…please don't walk away."

She says it like its something I do all the time. She says it like it's my fault that we're not close. That pushes me over the age. I turn and rush at her, "You fucking cow!" I raise my hand and bring it crashing into her face. She grabs my hair and we struggle, slapping each other and pushing through the hallway. This has been coming for a long time. I'm done with being pushed down. I'm done with Katie controlling me. It's time to fucking take charge of my own life.

We bust into the crowded dance floor and everyone circles around us. I push Katie to the floor and I hear guys whistling at the sight of two twins fighting. Her hands are flailing around and they keep me from doing any serious damage. In a sudden burst I push them aside and my fist is in the air. I'm ready to do it. She should know how it feels to be put down, to be below me. She should know how I've felt for my whole life. I'm ready to bring it crashing down into the face that has been my constant companion and enemy for the past seventeen years.

She looks up at me with fear in her eyes and I know I can't do it. This is Katie. She's horrible, funny, bright, dark, angry, kind, loving, hating, insecure, overconfident…she's my sister. I slowly by degrees lower my fist and I see relief and love shine in Katie's eyes.

I stand up and hold out a hand for her. Her fingers fit into mine and I pull her to her feet. Breathing hard we look at each other, facing off for one last time. Only this time, she's unsure. I've never felt surer in my entire life. I reach over and fix the strap of her dress.

"Katie, I can't do this…I'm a person. I'm not you." I slowly take off my dress and the ugly shoes she made me wear. I'm shedding her like a second skin. I know that everyone is looking at me but I could care less. It's time they saw the real me.

She holds a hand to her forehead and the mask is gone. This is Katie. I'm Emily. We're different, we're the same. I know her better than anyone in the world. I know that her eyes right now are saying the "sorry" that her lips refuse to let slip past. She looks sad right now and I'm wondering why I also see fear. That's when it hits me _Emily, please don't walk away!_

She's scared of losing me. In her own twisted, Katie way, all this has been to hold me close, to keep me her sister. She's scared that we're becoming so different that she won't have a sister anymore.

I smile gently at the fear on her face. She should know by now that she'll never lose me, "Katie, I love you and I'll never really leave you but I can't fix this. I like girls." I hear gasps around us at the dance and I suddenly become aware that Naomi is across from me in the crowd. She's standing there in a shock and I know what I need to say, "No…I like a girl. No…I love her." Katie's eyes widen and she finally realizes that this thing with Naomi isn't for fun, it isn't for sex, it isn't to piss her off…its real.

I say it once again for Naomi, "I love….her." My hand gestures to Naomi and Katie turns to look at her and so do I. Naomi's eyes are undeniably bright with tears and even though she's not smiling I know straight away that she's glad I've just said it. I turn back to Katie, "Ok?"

Please, Katie…I need you to be the sister that I love and tell me that everything is going to be ok. Naomi holds her hand out to me and I want to go to her but I need to know if Katie is going to except this. Katie raises her head and looks at me, "Ok," she mutters and I know that she means it. I sigh and brush past her and walk over to my girl.

She has a broad grin spread over her face that I've never really seen before and I decide that happy looks good on her. I thread my fingers through hers and we turn to face the crowd. I'm suddenly aware that we've caused a huge scene because the people at the ball start clapping. I smile at Katie as Naomi and I walk out together. I'm aware of her eyes following me but I've finally broken away. I still love her but right now I'm just Emily.

Naomi and I walk into the night. Her fingers are still wrapped up in mine and I'm so happy to have her touch back again.

"Some party," she says and I hear the smile in her voice.

"Eventful," I say back which is a fucking understatement. I fought my sister, came out, and got my girl all in the same night.

Naomi squeezes my hand and says, "I love you, too." An unbelievably big smile crosses my face and I feel as if I'm finally complete.

"I know."


	7. Chapter 7

***A/N: I've decided to just do a few more chapters in this one to wrap it up. This one is basically fluff because I think Naomily deserves it. I don't usually write scenes like this just because I'm not good at it but let me know if you thought it was alright or if there stuff I need to change. As always thank you for review and reading, it makes my day *smiles****

Chapter 7(Naomi)

Melt the Sugar

My heart is racing right along with my head as we walk down the empty streets of Bristol. Emily's hand is warm, clenching mine and it feels like she never wants to let go, and that's just fine because I never want her to. I went to the Love Ball hurt, angry, and thinking that Emily and I were over. I thought that she had given up on me and she had every right to. I really thought there was no chance of us being in a relationship ever again. But then yet again, my girl surprised me. I was so angry at her for fucking J.J. but then Emily said she loved me. When she looked right at me and said those words it was like my anger evaporated into nothing. All I could think was, _Yes._ This was right, she was right, and I loved her right back.

Emily's thumb skims over the skin on the back of my hand and I shiver at her touch. It feels so damn good to have it back again. She cocks her head up at me and asks, "Are you cold?" I look down into her brown eyes and I see that she's smiling; she knows exactly what she's doing to me.

I glance down at her bare feet, "You're the one that should be cold. It's fucking freezing out here, Ems. Plus, you could step on something."

She smiles, "Thanks for worrying but I'm fine. It's not that far to your house."

"No…hold on." I let go of her hand and crouch down so she can jump on my back so I can give her a ride to my house.

I hear the laughter in her voice as she says, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Giving you a ride."

She leans over and lays a soft kiss on the back of my neck, "I thought that you'd save that for when we get to your bedroom."

My cheeks burn and the flush reaches my entire body. Emily could seem completely innocent one second and completely sexual the next…I loved it.

"Keep that kind of stuff up, Ems and I'm not going to be able to form a coherent thought much less give you a ride back to my house. Now, come on. Hop on and lets get to mine."

She places her hands on my shoulders and I brace myself but she asks, "You sure you can carry me, Naomi?"

I scoff, "Christ, of course I'm sure."

Without warning she hops on and I stumble forward a bit. Emily squeals and wraps her arms around my neck, damn near choking me. When I can gain my balance I rasp out, "Fucks sake, Ems. I need to breathe."

She immediately loosens her grip and whispers, "Sorry," in my ear. Her lips close to my ear and her legs wrapped around my waist and her body pressed against mine almost makes me lose my balance again but I push all sexual thoughts from my head….sort of. When I'm around Emily there are always some.

I start to plod home and Emily has the audacity to shout, "Giddy up!" and slap my ass. I hear her laughing in my ear and I almost start laughing too but I know once I start, I might not stop. The situation is pretty funny now that I think about it.

My back and my legs start to ache just a little bit before my house and I realize that wearing heels tonight was a big mistake but I'm determined to carry Emily all the way to my house. She's stopped making a joke of it and now she is just laying her head on my shoulder. For an instant I start to wonder if she's sleeping but at the sight of my house her arms clench around me, "I can walk from here, Naomi."

"No," I grunt out. "We're almost there. I can carry you."

"You're so stubborn," she mutters but she doesn't hop down.

I walk up to the door and Emily reaches down and opens it for me. I stumble inside, huffing and puffing. I feel Emily starting to get down but I keep my hold on her. For some odd reason I want to carry her, kind of like a bride across the threshold I guess and yes, I know it's really corny but I just want to. I look up the stairs and grit my teeth, this could be tricky.

Emily follows my gaze from over my shoulder, "No…Naomi. Absolutely not."

I smile, "Just hold on, babe."

And there we go up the stairs. It's incredibly hard to pick my feet up and actually climb but I'm making it. Emily holds on to me extremely tight and I know that she's a bit scared I'll drop her but I'm not going to let her down. We finish the climb and I stumble into my room, completely out of breath.

I turn around when I reach my bed and let Emily drop onto it. She give a small squeak at the unexpected drop but the bed cushions her. I flop down next to her, gulping for air. I can't believe I was ever cold tonight because now I'm burning up.

Emily rolls over so that she's hovering above me, "God, your face is like purple. Am I that fucking heavy?"

I shake my head vigorously and she smiles at me. Then I murmur, "Well….maybe you should lay off the chips for a bit."

Emily scoffs and smacks me lightly on the arm. Then, her brown eyes shining, she rolls over so that she's straddling me. "Oh, so I'm guessing since I'm so fat you don't want me on top of you anymore?" Her lips are quirked into a light smile and I can tell she's teasing me.

She starts to roll off but I grip her hips with my hands, "No…you're perfect just the way you are…and just where you are."

Emily laughs and leans down to kiss me. Her lips press against mine and I'm brought back to how much I love this girl. My hand twines in her hair as I pull her closer and breathe her in. I sit up to bring us closer and she wraps her legs around my back. I slide one of my hands around her back and up her shirt, feeling her skin. She moans into my mouth and glides her tongue around my lips.

As her tongue flicks mine I can't hold back the small groan that escapes my lips. Emily pulls back a little and looks into my eyes. One of her hands comes up to my cheek and she gently strokes my skin. Her touch is gentle and there is so much love shining in her beautiful eyes. She kisses my lips once more but then whispers, "Let's get you out of this dress."

She slowly stands up and I miss her warmth already. I lean down and unzip my boots, never taking my eyes off of her. She slides her black shorts to the ground and raises her shirt over her head. She tosses them off to the side and leans down to pull her tights down, one roll at a time. I'm not sure if she knows just how much she's making me want her right now as she slowly undresses in front of me. Soon enough she's standing there in front of me in just her bra and underwear and all I've done is take one of my boots off. She smiles down at me, "Well, you still seem a bit too dressed."

She kneels in front of me and slowly takes off my other boot, looking up at me. I want to touch her and to feel her so I reach out but she just grabs my hand and pulls me up so I'm standing. She walks around behind me and slowly pulls the zipper of my dress down. She's moving so slow that it's like torture but its sweet torture. She's finished unzipping me but she doesn't push the dress down right away. She lays tiny kisses down my back as she slowly slides the dress off of me. I feel goose bumps break out on my skin at her touch. Unable to take it anymore I spin around and find her lips with mine.

I bite her bottom lip and tug it into my mouth and Emily twines closer to me. I break away from her mouth and kiss down her neck, nipping and licking as I go. I hear Emily moan and see goose bumps break out on her skin, too. I smile into her skin and she wraps her arms around me and steps backwards until her knees hit the bed. She falls backwards, taking me with her.

She glides over me and her hands skim down my body, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. My breath is already coming fast with what she's doing to me. Her lips press against my chest as I feel her hand push my underwear down. I lift my legs to help her slide them all the way off and then she's right back on top of me. Her lips are devouring mine and I run my hands over her breasts. She goes from kissing my lips to kissing her way down my chest. Her lips reach my stomach and I feel her go lower. My breath catches in my throat as she licks the inside of my thigh and I feel her warm breath.

My breath starts to come in pants as Emily works her magic and it isn't long before I'm unraveling in her arms. Emily slides back up my body and catches my moans with her lips as her slender fingers finish what her tongue began. I slide one my hands beneath the covers and hear Emily gasp as I touch her. Her breath catches with mine and we're breathing each other in. Her eyes catch mine just as we peak and I see myself in them…I see love in them. Fuck I love her so much. My nails rake her back as the waves of pleasure crash down on my one by one. Emily groans in unison with me and I feel her cover my fingers.

"Fuck," Emily sighs as she slowly rolls off me and wraps me in her arms. I kiss her lips gently, finding peace in her arms that I've never found with anyone else. Emily is the only person that has ever made me feel this way. I'd shagged guys before but never had anyone given me an orgasm. When Emily had touched me at the lake I had been surprised because I never knew that sex could be like that…could be like this. I never knew it could make you want, love, and feel complete.

Her hands gently trace patterns in my arm as we lay facing each other. I brush a hair out of her eyes and pull her into my body. She wraps an arm around my stomach and cuddles her head into my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head and murmur, "I love you." She leans up and kisses my lips and whispers, "I love you, too." As she lays her head back down and falls off to sleep I hold her to me, vowing to never, ever let go of the happiness I've found with her.


End file.
